It seems like a simple-enough question. One that most people who are mere acquaintances or who I have just met ask me very frequently. How can a simple question have such a complex answer?
Is this your first? I know they are asking is this your first baby. But, the answer is not so simple, especially since I don't like to share intimate details of my life with strangers or even the average acquaintance.
When I get this question, there are so many things that go through my mind:
- Is this your first pregnancy? No
- Is this the first time you have planned for a baby, bought baby clothes, decorated a nursery? No
- Is this the first time you have dreamed about what your baby girl is going to look like and what her personality will be? No
- Is this the first time you have picked out a name for your baby? No
However, I simply answer "Yes." I know it's a lie. I know I shouldn't lie. Yet, I still do. I don't want to go into details. I don't want to have to answer any more questions. I just want to get out of the conversation and move on. I just want to walk away from whoever I'm talking to. So, I lie. With one word, I lie and then think about the lie. Think about all the things that this is not the first for. Yet, this is my first baby that I will be bringing home from the hospital and dressing and playing with and raising and enjoying. I guess, in a sense, this is my first. But, yet, she isn't....
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